Tri-ing it out

So it's been a little over two weeks since the Cancerversary Half-Marathon, and about a week after, I ran a 5K, almost breaking my PR, despite the humid, 90+ degree temps. I was within seconds of equaling a time I earned last summer in the Sprintin' Clinton 5K, and although I didn't break the record, I was happy with myself.

Since then, I've been itching for a new goal, and I think I want to branch out a little bit. I decided I needed to step up my game with this new challenge. I contemplated a full marathon, but then I got my first issue of Women's Health Magazine. My best friend got me a subscription for my birthday- probably because when I visited her last summer, I left with a backpack full of past issues she had in her apartment. In the May issue, there's an article titled, 'Yes, You can be a Triathlete'

I read every word, probably about three times, now. And I remembered back to last summer when I was working on the farm. I had many shifts pulling weeds with a young woman who worked in the cycling industry and was avidly active. She said on more than one occasion, "You do a half-marathon, the next thing you're going to want to do is a tri."

At the time, I nodded, smiled, and kept pulling weeds. I didn't have any real interest in biking and swimming. I loved running.

But here I am a year later...A week into the Women's Health Triathlon training program. So far, the training has seemed light, and I am thinking about skipping ahead because it seems the program's starting point isn't accounting for the fact that I just trained for and ran a half-marathon, so perhaps I'll be tri-ready in less than the recommended three months.

At any rate, I am excited to commit to a new challenge and take on swimming and cycling!

I'll keep you posted on my progress!

Hope, Love, Run,
Marathon Girl (Triathlon Girl?)

Invincible

Here's the big update: The run is DONE! Today is my official 5-year cancerversary, but I ran my commemorative half marathon last weekend, and I consider it a success. I arrived in Boston after a traffic-less four hour drive. As I drove, I considered what the weekend meant, what it represented for me. The more I thought about it, the clearer it became.

Just like a song gets stuck in your head when you hear it too much, there are phrases that get stuck in mine when the sentiment resonates strongly with what I'm feeling. When I was first diagnosed, the phrase that kept replaying in my mind was "I feel robbed of my invincibility." Meaning that I felt a sense of great loss for the endless sea of possibilities that previously stretched before me. I feared a loss of the following when I found out I had cancer: my big plans for getting married in a few years, having a family some day, graduating from college and beginning a career- even the possibility of retiring and growing old- all were reduced to the hope of living to see my college graduation in eleven months. I contemplated whether I would stay in school if I learned I might not live far beyond that day. I wondered what the lives of those around me would look like if I were gone. Robbed of my invincibility. Those words echoed in my head for days.

As I drove North toward Boston, that familiar phrase I couldn't get out of my head began to morph into something else, and by the time we drove past Fenway, a new concept was resonating inside me: taking back my invincibility.

It seems so clear that this is what I have been working toward for the last five years. I lost so much when I got cancer; I gave up a year of my life to a questionable treatment in the hope that the torture I endured would somehow serve as penance and earn me more years to live. I spent several years after I completed treatment trying to figure out why I didn't feel well, despite being told I should be fine. I worked to get my body healthy and my heart healed from the loss of relationships I valued. I was determined not to let my past mar my future. Running 13.1 miles through the streets of Boston seemed to cement in my mind that I have completed the transformation.

Because what I realized last weekend was that I have done all of these things, and more. It seems I have earned my invincibility back. It seems that way. But in reality, I don't believe I could possibly earn back my invincibility.

The truth is, I lost a lot when I got cancer, but my invincibility wasn't one of those things. I was never invincible before I got cancer; I didn't become invincible until I fought cancer. When I decided I was going to fight, that's when I started to become invincible.

When I had three surgeries less than a month apart from one another, I became invincible.
When I went to the hospital alone five days a week for chemo, I became invincible.
When I learned how to inject the chemo at home, and did it three times a week for the next eleven months, I became invincible.
When I flew across the country to Montana in the dead of winter to meet other cancer patients my age, I became invincible.
When I decided I needed to write about my experience, I became invincible.
When I decided I needed to run, I became invincible.

Logically, I understand that no one is invincible. But to me, feeling invincible means I know, with certainty, that I can do absolutely anything. If I commit to something, anything- Running a race, earning a masters degree, writing a memoir- I can, and will do it. It's the best feeling in the world.

Cancer helped me to find my invincibility, and it is with sincerity that I hope you find yours. Take on a challenge, make a commitment, take a stand. Believe. You are invincible too, you just don't know it yet.

Hope, Love, Run!
Marathon Girl

My Week

It's been a crazy, and I mean CRAZY few weeks. I am writing this in lieu of getting ready for bed. It seems there are just not enough hours in the day for me to get everything done. I knew this was coming, and over the next six-to-eight weeks, I'll be living in a perpetual whirlwind, so if my posts are infrequent or short, you'll know why.





I am currently doing all of the following:
Working full-time
Coaching an after-school program
Taking two graduate courses
Privately tutoring
and of course...
Training for a half-marathon
Today I ran more than half the distance of the race...the runs get longer from here, but I'm feeling strong and training is going really well :)


That said...Yikes! Luckily these things all only overlap for a few weeks, so hopefully I can stay focused, get through it, and put 100% into all my commitments.

In other exciting news, this is young adult cancer awareness week (Yay!) And even more exciting, I found out a new drug was just approved to treat advanced melanoma. This is a really big deal because it's been over a decade since a new drug was introduced to treat this deadly disease. I remember a time not so long ago, when my goal was simply to live long enough to see this day.

I went into chemo with the mentality that I needed to keep fighting just long enough that a new, better drug would be approved. That day is here, and so am I. Luckily, I don't need that drug now, but it is a huge relief to know that there is an option for a stage of the disease that notoriously comes with a bleak prognosis of just months to live. The drug is called Yervoy, but I think others living with melanoma would join me in calling it hope, progress, or simply time.

My birthday is just a week away, so I'm considering Yervoy the gift I've been wishing for each time I've blown out the candles on my birthday cake for the last four years. So to anyone who had a hand in making it happen, thank you.

Hope, Love, Run.
-Marathon Girl

What a deal!

I would like to take the opportunity to share about an exciting purchase I made recently. I actually made two critical purchases in the last week or two. I upgraded to an iphone after my nano was showing some long-term side effects of the washing machine incident, and the other purchase was a running essential for me...A new lymphedema sleeve.

I got an insider-email from a company called Lymphedivas. They were having a 24-hour half-price sale on their stylish lymphedema sleeves. This was a big deal, because these things don't come cheap.


Rocking the sleeve

If you're asking yourself, "What the heck is lymphedema?" I'll give you the short version. Lymphedema is swelling that occurs in a limb after lymph nodes are removed. Lymph nodes are systems of thingies that are like very tiny bunches of grapes. They control fluid flow through out the body. There are clusters all over the body, and when they're removed, the body can have trouble pulling fluid back out of the limb. A compression sleeve can help the body with this process.

Lymph nodes are commonly removed when a person is suspected to have cancer in them. Having lymphedema of the arm is probably more common in breast cancer survivors, but as a melanoma survivor, I have the same affliction. One of the annoyances of lymphedema is that I need to wear a compression sleeve when I fly on an airplane or exercise. In more severe cases, a person needs to wear a sleeve all the time- I had to do that for a while. It sucks.

What sucks even more than wearing an uncomfortable elastic sleeve that digs into your elbow and causes your fingers to turn into pins and needles while you sit on an airplane, pump iron, or go for a run, is that the standard lymphedema sleeve is a fleshy tan color. Ew.

Lymphedivas to the rescue: lightweight, breathable sleeves that come in (gasp!) a wide array of colors and patterns. I ordered some of these interesting sleeves a few years ago, and was very happy with them. I've been in the market for some new sleeves for quite a while, but they are pretty expensive. The sleeves are only supposed to last for a matter of months, and with all the time I spend wearing one (every time I work out) my current selection is looking pretty shabby.

So when the Divas sent me the info about their sale, I jumped on their site and got myself some new goods. They arrived a few days later in the most adorable package. They were wrapped in beautiful pink and patterned tissue paper, and came with a pen, nail file, and full-color large brochure about their products. It was like getting a present. When I finally unwrapped it, I was even more pleased with what I had gotten. The sleeve and gauntlet (hand piece) are brightly colored and since my last order, the gauntlet has been redesigned for better comfort. I am really enjoying putting on my new purchase before starting a workout.

Kudos to Lymphedivas for not only your awesome sale, but your even more awesome products. I'll be the girl at the gym rocking the sweet compression sleeve.

Hope, Love, Run,
Marathon Girl

The Miracle of Technology

I find technology to be a huge motivating factor for me as far as exercise is concerned, and if you exercise, I would venture to guess that you're 'plugged in' in some way. I started thinking more about the pivotal role technology plays in my physical fitness when I experienced a technological disaster this week.

I think the single most influential technology in exercise is the ipod, because it connects with so many other resources I use, like Nike+, Earndit, and even some gym equipment directly connects to the ipod. Oh, and in case all that's not cool enough, it also plays music. When I had an ipod mishap this week, it felt like a disaster.

I skied during the previous weekend and brought along my ipod for a little slope music. I tucked it in my fleece and forgot about it. I forgot about it for so long that when I did laundry one evening later in the week, I tossed my fleece in with everything else. Then I hung it up to dry and went to bed.

I didn't think about the ipod's absence until the next morning when I was driving to work. Was it in the fleece? Did I take it out and forget about it? I waited in suspense all day with the chemo-brain hope that it was sitting on my dresser or in my gym bag, where I had absent-mindedly placed it.

Unfortunately, it wasn't on the dresser or in the gym bag. Sadly, my ipod was in my fleece. It went through the full washing machine cycle. An hour of soap, soaking, and spinning. It was shiny and smelled rain forest fresh, but not surprisingly, it wouldn't turn on.

In a state of panic, I did some quick online research that indicated that there might be hope. Apparently I'm not the first person to put an ipod in the washing machine, and some ipods do recover from this sort of thing. What I read indicated that while the dryer is a death sentence for all ipods, the washing machine alone doesn't always yield the same results. In the washer, ipod touches fared worse than nanos and shuffles, with shuffles being the winner for routinely surviving washing machine trauma. I felt a bit more hopeful after this, since I have a nano.

In case you're wondering what to do if you don't want to immediately buy a new ipod after running yours through the washing machine, there are a variety of ideas for trying to bring it back to life, among them putting it under a desk lamp, soaking it in a bath of alcohol, placing it in an air vent, and letting it sit in uncooked rice.

I opted for a combination. My ipod spent the next 36 hours in a bag of rice sitting on an air vent. After a day-and-a-half, I ultimately gave in to curiosity and plugged it in to my computer. Miraculously, it not only turned on, but synced up and began charging. Aside from a little condensation under the screen, it seems my ipod has survived it's unintended swim. I don't know if it will last, but for now I'm breathing a sigh of relief and going to the gym to run tomorrow- I'm just two miles from the next level on Nike+...so I'll be on the blue level by tomorrow night, which marks 620 miles ran since I started using Nike+ back in April!

Sometimes I buy myself something to commemorate a milestone like this, but I think this time not having to buy a new ipod is a sufficient reward for this accomplishment- thanks for making such a durable product, Apple!

Hope, Love, Run!
Marathon girl

Does This Life Make Me Look Stressed?

I was dying to run outside today. Over the last five days, I only worked out once. This is a significant deviation from my normal 5-day a week routine, but I have been under a lot of stress recently, and I reached my breaking point on Tuesday. I didn't workout that night, or the next, or the one after that, or after that. I spent the time I would have been exercising catching up on all the work I was unsuccessfully trying to keep up with.

I don't want to make a pattern out of not working out, but I decided this morning I didn't want to go to the gym, not because of time, but because there were no classes I wanted to take. So I considered running in the cold. Weather.com said the current temperature was 15 degrees. Brrrr. Luckily, it warmed up to 35 by this afternoon, so I decided I would suck it up and go for a run.

I am SO glad I did. In just the few weeks since I switched to the treadmill, I forgot why running outside is so much better. The calorie burn might be similar, but for me, the added benefits of running outside make it much more productive. Doing a trail run like I did today gives me a clarity and peace I don't get when I'm running indoors. On the treadmill, my mind doesn't wander the same way, and the end result of today's run was a lot of time reflecting on the stress I've been feeling lately.

This week, I found myself literally crying to various people in my life that I am doing everything I can, giving everything I've got, and still feel that I'm being told it's not enough. It was this feeling of failing despite giving every piece of myself that led me to reach a breaking point this week.

I spent a decent amount of time trying to figure out how I could find balance and do it all. The solution this week was that I gave up my workout routine, something I value and consider to be one of the most important things I do for myself. Running today led me to the conclusion that perhaps I shouldn't be looking for a way to do it all. Maybe the answer is the opposite of what felt natural to me. Don't try to devote more time to what's stressing you out when you're feeling overwhelmed. Do less.

Not so long ago, I used to be an expert at avoiding stress. It was actually something I consciously kept out of my life during and after cancer treatment. Stress is bad. There is a lot of research to back this up.

If I go a little further back in my life, however, I had a very different perspective. In college, I ate stress for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I worked, went to school full time, substitute taught, and still made time to do various projects that were unrelated to my school work. I was forced to give up the stress-around-the-clock lifestyle when I got sick. In a way, that was a gift. I was so tired, that I had to prioritize what I needed to do. The things at the bottom of the list never got done. Because of this, I also learned to say no the year I was doing chemo. Before, I said yes to anything I was asked to do, if I didn't have time, I managed to make it. On chemo, that wasn't an option.

What I realized as I ran today was that I have returned to some of my old ways. I am not living on stress like I used to. I don't want to return to that, but I think I have let my perfectionist ways to suck me into a stressed out state. I find myself agreeing to do things I could easily say no to, knowing I don't have time to accomplish them without giving up something that really matters to me. I've also gone above and beyond, not because I would get something extra out of it, but because someone else would benefit.

I think it's great to give everything you've got, I wholeheartedly believe in always doing your best. But when you reach a point where it comes at such a high cost, leads to a breakdown, compromises things I deeply value, it's too much.

If I push myself like I have been, I will without a doubt burnout. I hope that the people who are asking so much of me will understand that when I say no, it is because I am already giving as much of myself as I healthfully can, and and hopefully not more than I should.

Hope, love, run,
Marathon Girl

The Half Marathon: Promise Kept

for the first time ever on the blog, this is me. After the race :)

At the close of my Six Mile July Challenge, I committed to running a half marathon by the end of 2010. And, with just under two months left, I ran the first annual Bird-in-Hand half marathon to benefit the Bird-in-Hand fire department. I didn't take the challenge lightly, I followed a Nike+ running program almost to the letter. My training went well overall, but the longest I ever ran in a long training run was twelve miles. So as I set out for the destination of the marathon yesterday, it was the uncharted territory of those 1.1 miles that had me a little nervous. It took about two hours to get to Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania. The village of Bird-in-Hand is located in the heart of Lancaster County's Amish community. As we drove closer to the packet pick-up location, traveling on narrow roads flanked by endless fields of farmland, there were more black horse drawn buggies than cars.

Once I had my packet, which included a race course map, I drove the course- I actually did it twice because some wrong turns led to a seventeen mile loop, and I didn't think I had a good feel for the course after the first drive-through. The majority of the course was flat, with a few up hill stretches and one very long downhill that was nearly half a mile.

I turned in early for the night, knowing I'd be up early to allow enough time carry out my normal pre-run routine, and drive to the race start. That drive was supposed to be eleven minutes, but thanks to there only being one way to get into Bird-in-Hand, it took closer to half an hour, which was fine, since it meant less time standing outside in the 30-something degree weather!

I admit I made a key mistake as soon as I got to the race location- I didn't do my normal stretching routine. I warmed up before leaving the hotel, but I didn't stretch. Why? I had time, so I don't really have a good reason...I guess in the excitement, I forgot. Despite this really amateur error, I was focused. I knew I needed to start easy if I was going to make it all the way through without hitting the infamous 'wall'. So I focused on keeping a consistent and comfortable pace, not getting caught up in passing people to get closer to the front.

Throughout the entire race, I was glad I had taken the time to drive the course; there is something comforting about knowing where you're going and seeing things that look familiar.

So what made my race experience special? There were a few things that I think made this race unique. First, I'm sure people living on any race course come out to cheer on runners passing by, but there were so many people! At the end of nearly every driveway was a family- an Amish family- cheering us on as we passed by. This continued throughout the entire course, and I must say, I was amused, and I really liked it.

The next difference came as I approached mile 2, where there was a bathroom stop. Now I haven't run any other races this long, but I'm willing to bet that there aren't any others that have their facilities at Amish one-room school houses. In case you're wondering, all the schools on the route had a fenced in yard and two small outbuildings- that's right- good old fashioned outhouses for the boys and the girls. I almost stopped out of curiosity, but resisted the urge in favor of a better finishing time.

If you haven't gotten the feeling already, the Amish seem to be a pretty hospitable people. But they did more than just cheer on runners and share their outhouses, they also enthusiastically manned every water station. Men, women, and children held out cups of water as they cried out words of encouragement. It was cool, but it was more moving to recognize that what we were seeing was how the 'English' community of Bird-in-Hand work cooperatively with their Amish neighbors. For a small town to put on a big race like this, it was, well, impressive, and clearly a team effort.

While I was enjoying the countryside and the Amish, around mile 4 I started to get a nagging feeling in my hip, something that started in a long run about two weeks ago. I alleviated it by warming up the muscles before running, which I did today, but clearly my warm up was no match for the 30-degree weather and tense muscles that come with racing. I stopped a few times to warm the muscles up again, and it was bearable. Then somewhere between mile 8 and 9, I started to get pain on the side of my right knee, something I hadn't felt since last spring when I increased my mileage too quickly. I knew it was my iliotibial band. I got through that injury with some iliotibial specific stretches, which I do before and after every run, with the exception of this one, since I forgot. Oops.

The pain was bad, but not enough to stop me. I pushed through, knowing that if I finished strong, there were no upcoming training runs to save myself for. This was it. As I ran into the muddy chute, which was located in a field, I kept running, needing to cross the mats that would register the chip tied to my shoe, and give me my official finishing time.

Feeling the mud squishing under my sneakers, knowing what I'd just accomplished, it was awesome. When I saw the clock, I was surprised. My goal was to finish in under 2:15, but I decided I would be happy with anything under 2:20, realistically. But as I crossed, the big clock said 2:09, and I knew I my chip time would be a little less that that, because I started in the back of the pack. My final official chip time was 2:07:13. A volunteer cut the chip off my shoe, as another placed a medal over my head. I really did it.

As I write this, I am laying on the couch, ice on my knee, heat on my hip, and I have been laying here for most of the afternoon. My body hurts, so, so much. But I have no regrets. Today was another victory, another promise kept with myself, and once again I have proved to myself that cancer has nothing on me. I feel that by running a half, I have proved something to myself, and hopefully to you. If I can do it, so can you. Pick a challenge. Own it. Prove to yourself and the world what you can do. Why? Because I promise, for all the hard work you'll have to put in, accomplishing something like this feels really, really good.

Hope, love, run,
(Half) Marathon Girl...I feel like I finally own that name :)